Empathy is one of the most beautiful gifts we possess as women. It’s the invisible thread that connects us to others, enabling us to feel their struggles, celebrate their victories, and offer support when they’re in need. But what happens when this gift, so freely given, begins to come at the expense of our own well-being? When the love we pour into others drains us, leaving little for ourselves? This is a question I wrestled with for years until a life-changing discovery during my journaling practice shifted everything: I needed to direct my empathy toward myself first.
The Empathy Dilemma: Giving Until It Hurts
For many women, empathy is our default setting. We give without hesitation, often to the detriment of our mental health, time, and energy. We extend kindness to strangers, answer calls for help that pull us into other people’s problems, and sacrifice our own priorities to ease the burdens of others.
But there’s a cost to this. Over time, we can find ourselves depleted, stressed, and resentful. Worse still, we may realize that much of our empathy is directed toward people who don’t appreciate it or whose presence has little bearing on our lives. This realization can be heartbreaking, but it’s also liberating. It’s an invitation to reimagine how we use this powerful gift.
The Turning Point: Choosing Yourself
My turning point came when I recognized how my default responses—saying yes to others and no to myself—were holding me back. For instance, I once spent hours trying to help a young man struggling with his education. I reached out to contacts, offered suggestions, and even planned to follow up with his family, despite knowing it was outside my responsibilities. By the end of the day, I felt drained, stressed, and stuck in a cycle of over-involvement.
In moments like these, I began asking myself: Who is caring for me while I’m caring for everyone else? The answer was clear: no one. It had to start with me.
Redirecting Empathy: A Wealthy Mindset
In 2025, my word of the year is “wealthy.” Not just in terms of financial success, but in my thoughts, emotions, habits, and relationships. A wealthy life begins with how we treat ourselves, and that means directing our empathy inward. Here’s how you can start:
1. Reframe Empathy as Self-Love
Empathy is a powerful resource, but it’s finite. Imagine it as a precious well—one that needs to be replenished before it can nourish others. By prioritizing yourself, you ensure that your well doesn’t run dry. Remind yourself: I am worthy of the love and kindness I give to others.
2. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy
Boundaries are acts of love, not barriers. When someone seeks your help, ask yourself:
- Does this align with my values and goals?
- Am I the best person to assist?
- What will this cost me in time, energy, and peace of mind?
Learn to say no with kindness: “I wish I could help, but I’m focusing on other priorities right now.”
3. Pause Before You Give
Create a rule: before responding to a request, pause and assess. This allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. If it’s not a resounding yes, let it be a no.
4. Invest in Relationships That Enrich You
Wealthy friendships are those that expand your mind, nurture your spirit, and bring joy. Choose to spend your energy on people who appreciate and reciprocate your kindness.
5. Honor Your Time
Time is one of your most valuable assets. Avoid giving it away to strangers or acquaintances who do not add value to your life. Respecting your time is a sign of self-respect.
6. Replace Guilt with Gratitude
When you prioritize yourself, guilt may creep in. Counter it by practicing gratitude for the progress you’re making. Celebrate every moment you choose yourself.
Visualizing a Wealthy Life
Close your eyes and imagine yourself thriving. You wake up each morning feeling alive, your energy directed toward activities and relationships that matter most. You no longer feel drained or burdened by unnecessary obligations. Instead, you feel free, empowered, and abundant. This is the life waiting for you when you redirect your empathy inward.
A Call to Action
Empathy is a gift, but it’s also a responsibility—to yourself first. When you choose to care for yourself, you’re not abandoning others. You’re strengthening your ability to show up authentically and sustainably. In 2025, let’s make a collective shift toward a wealthy mindset: one where we cherish our energy, nurture our well-being, and give from a place of abundance rather than depletion.
It’s time to rewrite the narrative. Empathy isn’t just about others; it’s about you, too. And when you flourish, the world around you flourishes. Choose yourself. You deserve it.
Salima
Just me thinking out loud over here