This piece was first published in July 2023, during a time when I had just begun blogging and my soul was expanding in ways I didn’t yet understand. I didn’t know I had so many layers inside me waiting to be acknowledged—pain, heartbreak, confusion, memories that needed facing. I’m re-sharing this now to offer a hand to anyone walking through similar terrain.
Coming Up For Air
Have you ever felt the weight of the world suffocating you, even while you’re physically breathing?
There are moments when we find ourselves tangled in challenges, we can’t fully name or articulate. We sense the pressure, feel the constriction, yet struggle to identify its source. Many of us are hesitant to face reality head-on—to call our obstacles what they truly are. Even when we know exactly which circumstances or people are causing our distress, we cling to an inner narrative that whispers we have no choice.
We are born into families, cultures, and countries we didn’t choose. These circumstances shape us, widening or narrowing the paths available to us. Yet beneath all these variables lies one fundamental truth:
There is always a choice.
I recognize that many have been so deeply conditioned to think and perceive the world in specific ways that alternatives feel impossible. They see people living the life they desire and dismiss them as either lucky or lost, depending on their lens.
Cultures and religions are not inherently negative. But sometimes, the people in our lives weaponize these frameworks to control us, to extinguish our vitality. What should be sources of meaning become tools of suppression, stifling our growth and denying us the space to breathe.
So, I ask you: What is hindering your mental breath?
What invisible chains are constricting your growth, your happiness, your sense of possibility? In this piece, I want to explore the barriers we face, challenge the narratives we’ve internalized, and uncover pathways toward reclaiming our freedom to breathe and thrive.
The Moments I Couldn’t Breathe
As I reflect on my own journey, I vividly recall the times when the air felt thick, when every breath felt like work. I yearned to run away and live like a wild horse roaming free in some distant place where no one could confine me.
The First Time: Living Under Another’s Vision
My earliest memory of suffocation emerged in my younger years, living with a mother determined to shape me in her own image. She wondered aloud, often and loudly, why I couldn’t be more like her—or like others she admired. Her relentless pressure to conform left me gasping for air, searching desperately for spaces where I could discover my own identity.
I remember running out of the house more than once, seeking refuge at friends’ homes. Those escapes offered temporary relief, a brief reprieve from the weight. But the reality remained: I couldn’t stay there indefinitely. Eventually, I had to return home.
The Second Time: When God Became a Cage
Later, I felt stifled when a rigid interpretation of God and religion was forced upon me, suffocating the very essence of who I was. In this particular vision, God was someone who forbade so much that I eventually distanced myself entirely. I stopped practicing. I walked away.
This went on for years. Then one day, while watching television, I encountered a man who introduced me to a different vision of spirituality—one so beautifully inclusive, loving, and accepting that it reignited something in me I thought had died. It became the lens through which I have viewed faith ever since.
The Third Time: Living in Darkness
For many years, I lived in a home where, after certain hours of the day, parts of the house remained dark despite the blazing African sun. During rainy season, it was worse. That environment drained the life out of me, casting a shadow over my thoughts, my emotions, my sense of possibility.
I was literally dying to have a place of my own. But in our culture, it was unthinkable for an unmarried woman to live alone. I didn’t have the means to make it happen. So, I stayed, enduring the darkness, until I finally got the opportunity to travel abroad.
That experience taught me something I carry to this day:
Wherever I live must be filled with light and space.
The Fourth Time: The Cost of Shared Space
The fourth time I experienced suffocation was when I was sharing living spaces with others. The constant presence of people—even kind people—created a sensation I can only describe as drowning on dry land. It worsened over the years, manifesting in physical illness and a profound, crushing sense of being trapped.
That became my breaking point. I faced a decision: hoard money or preserve my sanity. I chose sanity. I took the leap to live alone. And in that newfound space, I began to breathe again.
The Fifth Time: The People Who Drain You
The most recent suffocation came when I realized that after interacting with certain people, I felt physically and mentally sick. It was as though the air was being drained from my lungs. I experienced severe headaches, nausea, a heaviness I couldn’t shake.
Becoming aware of these triggers allowed me to make a conscious choice: I began controlling how much time and energy I allocated to these individuals, especially when engagement was unavoidable.
These stories are only a glimpse into the moments when I yearned to come up for air. What I realized, looking back, is this:
My own mental shackles were the ones holding me captive in situations and relationships longer than they should have.
What about you? What aspects of your life leave you gasping for air?
Two Practices That Changed Everything
Practice One: The Vision Board
One practice that profoundly impacted my journey is creating a vision board. I take an A3-sized paper and, in the center, I write or draw how I want to feel in my life—not just what I want to have, but how I want to experience my days. The emotions I want to inhabit. The places I desire to live. The transformative experiences I am seeking.
I keep this vision board somewhere visible, where I see it daily. It serves as a constant reminder of my dreams and intentions. As I continue along my journey, I add new elements—specific goals, experiences, and even people I wish to have in my life. It becomes a living document, evolving as I grow.
This practice has been a catalyst for change. It helps me align my daily actions and decisions with the vision I hold for myself. By consistently visualizing and affirming my aspirations, I have witnessed remarkable shifts. Opportunities and synchronicities present themselves, leading me closer to the life I envisioned.
I encourage you to try this. Allow yourself the space to dream, to visualize, to believe in possibility. Create your own vision board and place it somewhere you’ll see it daily. Let it guide you, reminding you that each day is an opportunity to take steps toward what you truly desire.
The second practice I use alongside my vision board is mapping my current reality. On a separate page, I honestly and objectively assess the aspects of my life that are causing me that suffocating sensation.
I examine the areas that feel constricting. The habits holding me back. The relationships draining me. The circumstances blocking my growth.
This mapping exercise serves as a reality check. It highlights the potential consequences of inaction. I leave myself a heartfelt note:
“If I don’t take proactive steps, my life will continue on this suffocating path indefinitely.”
It acts as a wake-up call, propelling me to confront the barriers and limitations I have allowed to stifle my progress.
I encourage you to try this mapping exercise as well. Take a moment to honestly assess where you’re suffocating. Write it down. Visualize how your life will continue if you take no action. By facing the reality of your situation, you ignite the motivation to make meaningful changes.
The Truth I Wish I’d Known Sooner
My ultimate goal in sharing these experiences is to offer a beacon of hope to anyone who feels like they’re suffocating. I write this with the genuine desire that if you ever find yourself unable to breathe, you will remember:
The solution is within reach. The answers lie within you.
I hope my words inspire you to take action far earlier than I did. There were countless mornings when I woke up in the midst of that suffocating pain, convinced I had no choice but to accept the life that was choking me. I clung to prayers, seeking strength to endure, convincing myself there were no alternatives.
But over time, I discovered a profound truth, encapsulated in the words of Floyd Mayweather:
“Every day, we wake up, we got a chance and we got a choice.”
It took me time to internalize this fully. But once I did, it transformed my entire perspective.
You have the chance and the choice to break free from suffocating circumstances. You have the power to challenge the disempowering stories you tell yourself. There is always another path, even when it’s not immediately visible. Trust in your ability to find the strength and resources necessary to create a life that allows you to breathe freely.
What Coming Up For Air Means
Coming up for air is a deeply personal journey. It takes on different forms for each of us.
It may mean letting go of a partner who no longer aligns with your values and aspirations. It could mean summoning the courage to leave a job that drains your energy and stifles your potential. It might require severing toxic relationships that no longer serve your well-being. For some, it means making the decision to move out of an environment that feels suffocating and seeking a place where they can truly thrive.
Whatever form it takes for you, I implore you:
Seize this moment. Embrace the awareness that change is possible. Take decisive action to transform your life.
Remember that every day presents an opportunity to redefine your reality, rewrite your story, and reclaim your ability to breathe.
You deserve to breathe freely.
Salima
Just me thinking out loud over here