If you’ve ever felt stuck, like no matter how hard you try, something keeps blocking your financial progress, your growth, your expansion — this episode is for you.
Today, we’re unpacking three silent saboteurs. They might look harmless, but they are some of the most toxic, invisible money blocks out there:
👉 Blame.
👉 Complaint.
👉 Gossip.
I call them mind garbage because that’s what they do — they clutter your mind, your energy field, and your path forward.
The cost of keeping a them? It’s massive. These three robbed me of my peace, filled my mind with noise, and chipped away at my confidence and drive.
My attention was scattered. My energy and time weren’t invested — they were drained.
And I was stuck, wondering why I wasn’t progressing.
Meanwhile, the people I blamed, complained about, or gossiped over? They were completely unaware. Unbothered. And they were moving on with their lives — while I stayed behind, weighed down by habits that served no one, least of all me.
In this episode, I’ll share with you how each of these showed up in my life, my wake-up call, and the steps I took — and still use — to clean them out and reclaim my power.
So, grab a cup of tea or go for a walk — we’re going in.
BLAME
For a long time, I was a pro at blaming. I had zero responsibility for what was happening in my life. Sound familiar? I’ll be honest, it took me a long time to see how destructive this mindset really is. But I promise you, once you start owning your story and your power, these mental weights start to lift.
I used to blame everything and everyone.
I blamed God when my dad got sick.
I blamed my dad for not planning better financially.
I blamed all the people my dad helped — when I needed support to go overseas and no one showed up for me.
And then, years later, I blamed my managers for not promoting me — when the truth is, I hadn’t truly advocated for myself.
Blame felt easier than grief.
It felt easier than disappointment.
But every time I blamed, I delayed my own healing.
I handed away my power and waited for someone else to give it back.
COMPLAIN
Now let’s talk about complaining. Whew. This was another one that ran deep in me.
I spent so much time complaining — and trust me, when you train your brain to look for things to complain about, it will always deliver. Every moment, it’ll hand you a new reason to be upset: the weather, the rude colleague, the selfish manager, your landlord, the guy who made your coffee that morning. On and on it went.
And it didn’t stop at work. I carried those complaints home, reciting every irritating detail to my siblings, or unloading them at dinner with friends.
My signature lines were:
“These people are so mean.”
“This guy is so stupid.”
“The system is trash.”
“It’s so hot — why is it so hot?”
Like… girl, can you change the weather?
Even small complaints like that will chip away at your spirit.
And the scariest part?
I had no idea how miserable I sounded — until I started feeling disgusted hearing myself speak. I couldn’t stand hearing my own voice whine anymore. I was drained — mentally, emotionally, physically.
Complaining is sneaky. It feels harmless — like venting. But really? It breeds negativity. It stunts your growth. And it holds your life hostage.
GOSSIP
Now, let’s talk about the sneakiest one: gossip.
I hate to say it, this one was a favorite of mine — I used gossip to belong. Especially in the jobs where I didn’t feel seen, valued, or appreciated.
Gossip became a shortcut to belonging — but it came at a high price. I gravitated toward the team members who weren’t growing, who weren’t dreaming. And together, we stayed stuck.
We weren’t building anything meaningful. We were just talking — mostly about people, not ideas.
And when there wasn’t anything to gossip about, I’d subconsciously start searching for something. That’s how dangerous it can get. Your brain starts obeying the wrong instructions.
But here’s the truth no one tells you: gossip is like poison you sip slowly. I started to feel the toxicity in my own body — heavy, out of alignment, drained.
Every time I engaged in gossip, I walked away feeling smaller… farther from the woman I wanted to become — the woman who sits at important tables and speaks about meaningful things.
Yes, gossip made me feel included in the moment. But over time, it stripped me of something much more important: respect. Respect for others. And eventually… respect for myself.
WAKE-UP CALL
📚 It wasn’t until I sat in my very first coaching session that something inside me cracked open. That moment — that deep mirror held up to my life — became the wake-up call I didn’t even know I needed.
The very next day, I made a decision: I would take radical responsibility for my life. I dusted off my journal, opened it with shaky hands, and began writing a new story.
And then I heard this phrase that rewired something in me:
“What you focus on, grows.”
It hit me like lightning — I had been staring at life through the lens of blame, complaints, and gossip… and I wondered why my world felt so dark and directionless
So, I took a drastic step — one. I now call my friendship autopsy.
I sat down with a sheet of paper and wrote the names of all the people I was surrounding myself with. I created columns to note:
- how we spent our time,
- what we talked about,
- and what our relationship would produce if it continued for the next 10 years.
And the truth hurt: we were building nothing.
No dreams. No momentum. No vision.
So, I let go of almost everyone. Not dramatically — just quietly, intentionally.
I stopped going out. I dove deep into books, podcasts, and powerful conversations with myself. And those few who stayed? The deeper I grew, the more the connection quietly faded. The energy no longer matched.
But let me be honest — it wasn’t easy. Old habits have claws. It took daily intentions. Reminding myself of why I started.
Catching myself in moments, I slipped back into the old me.
Choosing not to carry drama from work into every conversation at home.
Learning to leave where it happened.
Because gossiping about it after work, blaming people at dinner, or complaining to a friend was only anchoring me deeper into the very habits I was trying to shed.
And over time, I made peace with this truth:
You can’t put spilled water back in the mug.
Some things just must be let go of.
People included.
I began to accept others as they were, not as I wanted them to be. And most importantly, I started redefining who I was — building a new self-image, one that aligned with my future, not my frustration.
Truly those three habits?
They don’t just distract you — they disconnect you.
From your power.
From your purpose.
From your potential.
These three habits — blame, complaint, and gossip — do something sneaky:
They pull your attention away from your life.
You become so busy watching others, reacting to what they do, talking about what went wrong… that there’s no energy left to build anything meaningful for you.
Rewiring this is daily work.
It’s a commitment to reprogram your thoughts and reshape the image you hold of yourself.
And it starts with awareness.
Now, when I catch myself slipping — blaming, complaining, or gossiping —
I pause and ask:
“What conversation am I avoiding inside of me?”
There’s always something deeper behind the reaction.
And here’s a little tool that changed the game for me — a simple hack from my mentor Tony Leigh: Add “and…” at the end of your complaint. It disrupts the negativity and forces your brain to think differently.
So instead of:
“It’s been raining forever!”
Say:
“It’s been raining forever… and maybe that’s the perfect excuse to cozy up at Starbucks with a book.”
That little and unlocks new energy.
It gives your mind something constructive to do.
And don’t forget the power of gratitude — it softens everything.
How lucky are we to have water falling from the sky? Not everyone does.
How lucky are we to have water falling from the sky? Not everyone does.
Think about the woman you want to be, and the women you admire, do they engage in such activities?
I don’t know about you, but the women I admire?
They don’t waste time tearing others down.
They don’t sit around dissecting what went wrong or who’s to blame.
They build.
They dream.
They heal.
They move forward.
And bestie, so can you.
Salima
Just me thinking out loud over here